paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
