Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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