She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
