Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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