Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
