She said her name was "party"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
