how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
