sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
