I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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