Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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