It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
