I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
