if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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