is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
