Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
