I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
