Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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