you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
