Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
