dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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