There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
