she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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