when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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