i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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