I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize