super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize