RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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