he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
