it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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