drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
