im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
