They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize