i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Couch. On fire.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
