You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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