I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
