the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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