he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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