After last night, I could never be a politician.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
