i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
