So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
