its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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