She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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