She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
