I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
