I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
