you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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