Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
