i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
