Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
