At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
