Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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