So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
