I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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