If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
