since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
