her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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