Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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