a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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