im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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