just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
