They should really pass out barf bags in church
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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