Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
