then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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