Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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