If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
