Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
