she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
