hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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