Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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