HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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