maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
