You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
