the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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