finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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