for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How does one acquire holy water?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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