the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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