Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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