My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
