There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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