I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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