I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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