I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
